inconvenient angel

by anthony

i allow myself only so much dreaming 
of the desires and freedoms i have sought.
i hold onto the night, the right balance 
of my solitude and your embrace i have wanted

it is easy for me to jump
difficult for me to stick my landing
easy to catch 
hard to hold

but just because i slam the brakes 
does not mean i wish to change my journey
just because i hold you at arm’s length
does not mean I am pushing you away

i allow myself only so much wandering,
needing to remember my personal pilgrimage;
to experience it as I have wanted to live it
stubbornly
as i have worked so hard to get 
exactly
to this point in the path

my foundation is solid
however
you are
you were
you could have been
a very inconvenient angel;
are were could have been
the path i have been following all along

af