she has a walk

by anthony

She has a walk…
and she leaves a trail of destruction with it.

She has a walk…
straight spine, slowly, deliberate
and when she passes me
(and she always stares straight ahead, 
and always passes me)
i feel like a curtain torn off a wall 
by an erratic wind,
holding on best i can.

She has a walk…
she leaves here, reality, instantly,
whether it be as a reaction to a word
or just simply an overflow of thought in her head,
coldness overtakes her, 
helplessly or not.
Yet i understand her games and tricks so well
and cannot help but to want to guide her
as she guides her son
as they both guide me;
to protect her aimless ruthlessness,
because i see all of the misguided beauty and soul
she has poured into the chaos her walk sows.

She has a walk…
an arrogant runway intellectual glide, 
which makes me resent her all the more
for all the 
questions that flood me 
depths i am diving
calming i am experiencing
understanding fermenting in me
confidence, finally, once again growing.
In her walk, she avoids looking at me 
because she knows 
i see inside of her 
and she fears that 
letting go means giving up
because she knows 
i am fascinated by the engorged webs 
she has left throughout her journey
because she knows
i, too, have webs in my wake
just like hers
and because she knows,
as she hunts me,
as she repeatedly sinks her fangs into me,
i am curious as to why her strikes on me heal so fast

She has a walk…
and i catch her looking back sometimes
with heavy shameful loneliness
remorsefully wondering why 
her naivety and pure intentions 
has caused so much chaos, so many casualties.
She disappears into her own world in an instant,
no anticipating when she will go,
or when she will return
and see me still here, wounds closing,
waiting 
knowing 
my patience is stubborn 
my years have given my heartbreak stamina
and i find her incredibly amusing;
a modern millie in the elevator going up the rabbit hole.

She has a walk…
and she leaves a trail of destruction with it

af
(written 9 nov)