The “Devils on Horseback” arrived. One of the first things I read this morning when I woke and bought a paper. Generally I skip past this part. It’s been happening for so long that it’s always going to be there, so tomorrow I’ll check it out. They’ll be something about it tomorrow.
Of course I’m concerned. Of course I care. And I plan on doing something about it…to help in some way (give a donation, maybe volunteer, have a fundraiser). You know what I would love to do? To get out and travel too? Save up some money, raise some also (it’s for a good cause), and go there for a couple of weeks. Go there, join some organization, and get hands on. It’s time that I do something about it. No one else is.
When, though? When? I guess in the Spring I can do without work for a few weeks. That just means I have a lot of work to do now to cover my ass when I’m gone…bill-wise and stuff. Shit, that’s a lot of money, though. I know, I know. Let me get some research done. In the meantime. Start reading up, talk, organize a group…Just need to…Just need to smoke first…
Now why are you getting so hard on yourself that you are smoking right now? That you did? You keep on saying, “Well, I would do that if I didn’t smoke. I am a hypocrite, I am this, I am that.” But right at this moment you are sitting at your computer writing thought after thought…CREATING, right now at this moment, and you turn it into something that is evil, complacent…Find excuses why it isn’t good enough and why you should quit because of your family or your brother, or these girls you don’t want to date or this or that. THAT is the hypocrite, my friend. THAT is the one in your mind. Not you, not you soul, this little monster you’ve created in your mind that keeps on telling you it’s bad it’s bad it’s bad…Is it bad? It is not bad and you better shut that pruned fucking face up right quick before we are getting it on. That’s right, little white boy can get Miss Harlem Ghetto on your ass too. Cause we building an army too, and no matter what, we are winning. We got a lifetime ahead of us and we are winning. Do you mind that?
We are the controllers of our own destiny. We are the people responsible for the other people in the world. We are to hold ourselves highest and understand that each and everybody else is doing the same. I am not the center of the world…I am a part of it.
These thoughts are not unique. These words are not original. The motivations, the insults, the ignorance, the education, the dreaming…we’ve all heard them, known them.
That’s not what this is about. This is…
Today I went searching through magazines I have, papers I’ve saved, the news fresh off the press. This is about us living so far in our worlds that we have lost the sight to see that we are nothing, our struggles are nothing in comparison to what our lifestyles are creating in places that, to us, are merely recycled paper.
“When the [Devil’s on] horseback arrived…Jidah Zakaria had no where to go…SO the 80-plus-year-old woman remained inside her hut and prayed [they] would overlook her. They Didn’t. Zakaria’s straw hut was torched while she was still inside. In an instant, the burning structure collapsed on top of her, searing the flesh off of her arms, legs and back.” (Rich Schapiro, NY Daily News, 16 Dec 06)
I picked up a magazine with a famous funny-man on the cover and back on page 342 of 363 pages, there is an article about one block, in a torn city down south, that hasn’t changed on bit in well over a year. There’s another magazine with pictures of that same town, same area, a year ago and discussions about them and still, there is nothing, NOTHING different about this amazing little village. The consistency in their lives are amazing…praiseworthy. Then again, it’s easy to be consistent when you have no home, no faith, no hope.
We are the controllers of our own destiny.
Now, why are you getting so hard on yourself.
Of course I’m concerned. Of course I care. It’s just…
Something. It’s always something.
You need to take care of yourself…It has to be about you first.
Enough to make us ignore that we are not the center of the world…only part of it.