Common Sense

by anthony

I am an adult.  All the people I associate with are adults.  Yet, I seemingly find myself in the most interesting situation of needing to explain common sense (with or without logic attached) to most of those adults that I am in frequent contact with.  It’s a phenomenon that completely confounds me.  Whether it be friends, ex-girlfriends, people I work with, it is always the same.  I’ll ask something, they will ask what it means, I explain it and they ask what it means.

“What I initially asked or the explanation of it?”

“Your explanation.”

“Well, my explanation was explaining my original question, which you didn’t understand.”

“Well, what was your original question?”

“First off, I just asked you it 26 seconds ago, so, surely you remember.  Second, regardless, you originally asked what the original question meant, so don’t bother worrying about the original question, just my explanation.”

“Well, what is your explanation?”

“I just told you my explanation right before this round robin of redundancy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Redundancy?”

“No, I’m not an idiot.  What does that comment suppose to mean?”

“Well, if you know what redundancy means, than the comment should make sense.”

“Are you being an asshole?”

“No, I’m just trying to ask you one question and now, 3 minutes later, we’re talking in circles about nonsense.”

“Well, you don’t have to be sarcastic.  Just ask what you want to ask.”  “I Already Did!!!”

“Well, I don’t remember what you asked.  Ask me again.”

To which I usually answer, “Are you an adult?”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“You clearly are not an idiot, because we wouldn’t be friends.  Did I make a mistake?”

“In being friends with me or did you ask the wrong question?”

At which point I end up telling the person, “You’re a fucking idiot” and they get mad at me for being an asshole and giving them the run-around with all these ridiculous questions which, mind you, they have been asking ME.

Now, here’s where everyone (anyone) reading this will begin to hate me because, though I have no intention of stereotyping, I find myself usually having this type of a conversation (if you could call it that) with women.  I am not ragging on women, because I love women.  And, for some reason, I also subscribe to the theory that although men are the stronger of the sexes, women are the more intelligent.  Which then gets me thinking and makes me want to ask, “Women, do you just not listen to us or have I been wrong all along?”

I am being completely serious.  Men, on a whole, have such a negative perception of women.  Men look at women as sex objects, men look down on women and, being raised around women, I am always the first person to come to the defense of women.  But you make it so damn difficult sometimes.  Help me out.  Help yourself out.  Don’t go getting all pissy and defensive.  Take criticism, because I write this with honest and open intentions.  When I ask you a question, that question means EXACTLY what the words within the question, when put together, mean.

There is a quote from the movie AS GOOD AS IT GETS.  Jack Nicholson’s character is getting into an elevator at his agent’s and the receptionist stops him and asks, “How do you write women so well?”  He answers with, “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”  Maybe I  am just stubborn, but I have refused my entire life to believe that this statement is true and yet, example proves, time and again, that women are intent on proving that line right.  What’s the deal?  I’m on your side.  Just use your common sense, please…

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