the new day

by anthony

this morning I woke up

fell asleep a few more times

but eventually

I woke up

last night I drifted off

sober

beaten

excited for a new day

(supposed to be warm; peeks of Spring)

and that was reason enough to turn in

quickly

You see

I often look forward to sleep

it is the one time of the day when I am at peace

I stop my mind

the thinking one

it is where I allow myself to dream

to be happy

to be curious

to take chances

to force myself to stop being lonely

it is the only time of the day

when I am feeling I am doing what is right

correct

but tonight

I am excited

excited for a new day

(supposed to be warm, inviting)

so I rush to sleep

so I could rush to wake

hoping to rise to something different

this morning I woke up

fell asleep a few more times

as most mornings

and nothing changed

everyday

when I open my eyes

rather than reality

I see paths

rather than a room, an apartment, a city

I see roads

endless roads all commencing at the foot of my bed

Past these paths

endless new ones

converging like capillaries

branching out the opportunities life has available

from these roots

from the safety of where I was sleeping

Once I claim one

feet in the dirt

the rest turn to vapor, dissolve

my day has begun

with every step

I change my direction

I look past my movements

upon all the decisions ahead of me

and choose

all day

I am not predestined

nor am I a coincidence

my life is not guarded by a path of god

I am not helpless

carried on by the good intentions of a higher spirit

I have control

because not all chaos is confusing

I lie there

in my bed

looking at the floor

the leaves and roots and barren branches of possibility

that extend through forests, oceans, skies and uncertainty

I breathe

clean the caked mucous from inside my eyes

sad my fantasy is over

my dream done

wishing I was still flying over clouds

existentially collaged, still

in love and fairy tales

I know the journey is over

lying there

I know I need to choose

I know I need to choose a new one

every step ends all things possible in life

revealing another opportunity

to travel on new paths

of all things possible

and even though I may sleep in the same bed

night after night

and though my routines are the same

day after day

and though I may feel as if my habits

dictate

either

healthy repetitions of success

or

restrictive patterns of destruction,

circumstance after circumstance,

nothing is ever the same

I work too hard

as I believe everyone does

to bring myself home

safe and consistent

better than that morning

when I took that first step

that first path

but it is all just opinion

to justify the achievements

and mistakes

from the journey

I walk towards sleep

towards being awake

I walk towards love

I walk towards success

towards honesty, towards adventure

I walk towards newly discovered nooks and crannies

of a life I seem too determined to conquer

and I often walk towards my individual destiny

picking up strangers along the way

leaving others behind

always hoping I chose right

and placing faith

in the instinct of my feet

So rather than condemning paths

that are scary

that seem the same as those previously traveled

that are intimidating

that make me too vulnerable

that detract from my individualism

that challenge me

that push me

I remember

these paths often allow me

to surprise myself

and reveal ideas

and realize a life

more magical

than this human soul could ever think possible

I still drift away in the darkness

flying over the heavens

but then I wake

deep breath

turn my body

and take new steps

fresh, beautiful, untouched dirt

a new day on earth

© 2012

af